The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
