in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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