bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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