I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
