i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I smell like Dick and happiness
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
