ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I will pee on everything he values.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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