My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
