apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
