All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So vagazzling was a success
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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