in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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