I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
