Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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