I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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