Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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