is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
