PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
