there's paper in my vomit.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize