I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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