my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
