youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
