I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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