Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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