Porn is love you can see.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
