hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
