you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
