What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
