I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm getting married
To pizza
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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