I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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