dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
