and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
