i just wanna soil my oats bro
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
