Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
