Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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