from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
