He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
