Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
