Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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