The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
