i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
