Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
