Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
