After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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