Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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