I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
