put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
