MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
