ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
