soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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