Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
