I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
