The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
