so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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