I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
