1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
