Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
