He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
