We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
