you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
