I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
