I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
