I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
