Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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