If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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