I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
