Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
