sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
