You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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