I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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