somebody snuck up and got me drunk
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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