i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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