so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
